We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
