Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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