Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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