Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
