Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
