I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
