Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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