we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What a dumb baby whore.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
