Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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