you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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