Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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