she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
