so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
