I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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