I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
