Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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