I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
