I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have fence marks all over my body
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