Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
