Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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