Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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