just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
