This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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