then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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