i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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