my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
