I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
