Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
