you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
