I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
