I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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