Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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