Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
