Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
