2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
