He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
