I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
