As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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