i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
