4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you still have your period?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
