She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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