take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
