he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
