Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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