so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
