In the future we'll all be gay
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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