i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
