They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
