fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
then he tried to convert me to islam
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
