I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
