Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
