guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you never un-have a 4some
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I want to fling myself into the sun
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
