areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
