TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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