when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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