these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
